Buck Up, Prongs
by Story Please
Summary: James has a problem. A Lily-shaped problem. As much as he tries, she doesn't return his feelings. But when Sirius foolishly suggests the notion of pickup lines, he soon realizes that he's created a monster. A bad-pickup-line-spewing monster. Will Potter's love prevail? Sirius only hopes that they'll survive the ordeal.


Author's Note:

Written for the Daily Prophet **Competition: You Have the Portkey to my Heart!**

NOTP written: James/Lily (My Chaser 2's NOTP)

Pickup Lines used:

"You're as beautiful as phoenix song."

"The only thing that's not invisible about me is my love for you."

"Are you dragonfire? Because you're hot enough to melt my face."

"I only have eyes for you! Get it? Because I'm holding frog-OW!"

"Is that a niffler in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Word Count excluding Author's Note: 598

* * *

 **Buck Up, Prongs**

"I don't get it, Padfoot. Why won't Lily love me?" James asked miserably.

Sirius sighed. "Maybe she just doesn't like you, eh mate?"

"Hmph," James replied stubbornly, "It's like quidditch, yeah? I just have to use the right strategy to win her."

"It's your funeral, Prongs," Sirius replied, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

"That's not helping, Padfoot."

"Well, I suppose you could use pickup lines." Sirius inspected his fingernails.

"Pickup lines?"

"Yeah, you dolt. Things like 'Is that a niffler in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'"

James frowned. "I don't think that would work on a girl."

Sirius smirked and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Never said it would. But there are others."

"Really?" James asked.

"Yep. But they're best if you come up with them yourself."

"Goodnight, then, Padfoot." James stood and started up the stairs to their dormitory.

"Oi! Where are you going?" Sirius replied.

"I gotta find my pickup muse," James said with a shrug.

"That boy is going to be the death of me," Sirius muttered under his breath, following James.

* * *

"Mornin' Lily! Are you dragonfire? Because you're hot enough to melt my face."

Lily glared at James and pulled out her wand. A flame began to flicker from the tip of it. "Say that again and I'll be forced to indulge your request."

"Are you-" Just as James started speaking, Sirius grabbed him and covered his mouth, dragging him away while he protested in a muffled voice.

"The death of me for sure," Sirius grumbled as James pouted next to him from the end of Gryffindor table.

* * *

"Hey, Lils!" James exclaimed, holding up a pair of pickled eyeballs in front of his own and squeezing them to make them bulge. "I only have eyes for you! Get it? Because I'm holding frog-OW!"

"Are you _trying_ to be an idiot or were you just born that way?" Lily replied, rolling her eyes as James tried to clean the frog eyeball juice off his face with a panicked screech.

"You know what? I stand corrected. You're going to get us _both_ killed one of these days," Sirius grumbled as he dragged James to the infirmary, both of them covered in frog slime.

* * *

Lily heard the chair next to hers scoot back. Suddenly, James Potter's voice could be heard in the empty air. "The only thing that's not invisible about me is my love for you."

Lily sighed. This was getting tiresome. She pulled out her wand just as she saw the chair scoot forward and a pair of lips appeared. They hovered in the air, headed straight for her face.

Lily cast a Full Body Bind on the lips, and something large and invisible thudded to the floor. With a final flick of her wand, she covered up the still-visible lips with the invisibility cloak and then stepped over him with her butterbeer. A few hours on the cold, hard floor would surely bring him to his senses.

There was a small part of her heart that was a bit touched at his tenacity, though.

* * *

"I...I just wanted to say...You're as beautiful as phoenix song." James handed Lily a glowing flower and she couldn't help but giggle at the earnest look on his dirty face. He was all muddy and bruised from quidditch practice, and yet here he was, running after her yet again.

Lily smiled and kept her wand in her pocket as they walked back to Gryffindor Tower together. Maybe there really _was_ more to James Potter than she'd previously thought.


End file.
